LGLF Nerf Team


In 2009, the founder of a crack commando team was imprisoned for a war he didn’t attend. In August of 2010, with the help of two of his comrades, this man escaped from a maximum security stockade in the New Jersey underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire… The LGLF.

Core Members

Fuck, here comes Phil “This is why we can’t have nice things” Langley, leading the charge in his power-window-less ford focus, bringing on the hurt.

Not to mention Action “will utterly destroy you with an arrowstorm whilst pouring himself a limoncello with his right hand and making it look like the manliest drink on the godamn planet” Jaxon is along for the ride.

Oh hell, you thought you were off the hook, but Mutton “got cored like an apple by a brass barrel at Apoc 09 and kept on trucking” Chops is coming to town and he is going to FUCK YOUR SHIT RIGHT UP.

Bringing up the rear is Kyle “As played by Michael Cera” “Littlespoon” Gearsington Esq. III.  He will undoubtedly nerf circles around you while moistening your girlfriends panties, causing you question your sexuality, and shooting you with something retarded attached to his crossbow.

And at long last, the Dean of Destruction, the Master of Disaster, the Commander of Krav, The Hebrew Hammer Himself, Cranky “Excuse me for saying so miss, but you sure look like you could use a kiss” Monky, longtime ally and newest recruit of the LGLF.

With occasional guest appearances from the Jordtron 9000 automated ass-kicking apparatus, codenamed: Groove.

Together we are The Lawn Gnome Liberation Front: the Ass-Kickingest, Arm-Missingest, Beer-Drinkingest, Flank-Rushingest, Comeback-Makingest, Nation-Invadingest Nerf Clan in North America, and perhaps the world.

Lawn Gnome Reserves (LGR)

In our travels, we have been known to inspire other nerfers in far flung regions to take up the mantle of the Lawn Gnome Liberation Front and join us on the battlefield. And while they may not always be with us, whenever we’re in town they can always depend on us to fight by their sides and to have a cold one ready for them afterwards (for a one that is not cold is scarcely a one at all). Likewise, there are others who have nerfed with us in the past, who have celebrated our victories (with booze) and mourned our defeats (with booze), who’s dedication to the plight of the gnoble gnome has not wavered. These comrades-in-arm(s) include, but are not limited to:

  • Zeeke “I was into Nerf before it was mainstream” Eisneunensteiss – Hipster Garrison, Southern California Chapter
  • Captain TED “Theodore” Logan – Maintains dual citizenship in the LGLF, Mag 7, and his ongoing side-project The Magenta Mongols
  • Admiral Horrace “You think I look bad? You should see the bathtub” Frederickson, B.S., M.S., Ph.D., MD, Ed.D – Founder Emeritus (Look it up, dickwipe)
  • Professor Liska “If you cant see her, then you’re already dead. No, never mind, she just fell behind a shrub” Langley (nee Von Butts) – Purveyor of Pancakes, Dealer of Death, First Lady of the LGLF and Zombie Sneak Attack Specialist. She’s broken our hearts, and broken our guns, but we always welcome her home, beer in hand and foot in mouth.
  • Mittens “I can’t believe I married that” Chopperson – Wife, handler, and occasional nerf wingwoman of Chops
  • Team C4 and The LGLF-R of The Penn State Urban Gaming Club – When Hell is full, the gnomes shall walk the Earth, thanks to the tireless efforts of PSU’s C4, our ever vigilant allies against the walking dead.  Also hailing from State College, PA, are the LGLF-R, led by our very own Gears.  With sock and streamline, they dominate the PSU campus, laying waste to all who oppose them.
  • In recognition of the long standing alliance between Gnomes and Dwarves, the Sex Dwarves are always welcome in our mead halls, and they can count on us to fight by their side when fending off the encroaching scourge of the Northern Horde.
  • Anthony “Langley’s nephew, But that doesn’t make him a fetus or anything. No, Anthony is a certifiable post-fetus. A well-post-fetus, in fact. He’s Twenty-five.” Chinka – LGLF Alumnus
  • Alex “Master to Talio’s Blaster” Leftnutsmith – LGLF Alumnus